Ramblings
comments 7

My Mandoline Tried To Kill Me…Again

Orange mandoline on a black surface with dramatic lighting
Mandoline of DEATH

My mandoline is a death machine, just waiting for me to slip up and feed its blood thirst. But it makes such evenly sliced potatoes!

Every time I use it, it wants a sacrifice. So much so that I’ve nicknamed it Audrey II:

Feed Me Seymour (Little Shop of Horrors) [Youtube.com]

I know I should use the hand guard…but the potatoes are so small that they disappear into it. I know I should wear a cut-proof glove…but mine got chewed up the last time the bloodthirsty mandoline wanted a piece of me, and I never actually got around to ordering a replacement. It’s fine. I’ll be careful. I know what I’m doing.

Everything was going fine until the potato stuck. And my hand slipped. And oh no my index finger…

<No pictures because ew, you don’t want to see this.>

My finger is healing…but it hurts to type the letters “N” and “M” because of where the cut is. Ow, ow, ow. That’s right, I’m suffering for my art.

But the potatoes – they are so evenly sliced. I put Audrey II back in the cabinet, and ordered a new cut-resistant glove on Amazon.

There it sits, in its box. Waiting. Waiting for the next time I get sloppy, and let my guard down for a second. Waiting for its next chance to strike.

Ow.

Amazon affiliate links:

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Filed under: Ramblings

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Hi! I’m Mike Vrobel. I’m a dad and an enthusiastic home cook; an indie cookbook author and food blogger with a day job, a patient spouse, and three kids who would rather have hamburgers for dinner.

7 Comments

  1. Tim C says

    I vote nail gun!

    Love your site, Mike. Thanks for the constant inspiration.

    Still, I’d kinda like to see that finger…

  2. I’ve sliced a piece of thumb of before. I was slugging potatoes and had a groove going. I could see my thumb getting real close to the blade but I seemed to be in a trance and couldn’t couldn’tstop myself. Feed Me Seemo!

  3. low and slow says

    You’re not alone on this one,in March I cutting cabbage for some slaw and shaved the tip of my finger off.Although it really didn’t hurt much it wouldn’t stop bleeding and ended up with a visit to E.R. Suggestion- do not operate while impaired.

  4. Colleen Kelly says

    I am 5ft 3inches. The small gloves are too large for me. The palm of my hand is under 3 inches … I have tried a couple of the gloves but they just fit my hand like an oversized t-shirt and cause accidents. Sigh … wish I could find some that actually fit me.

    But I am definitely with you on slicing taters for my 150 year old cast iron skillet. (A precious gift from a friend whose grandmother used it from when she 1st got married and the cast mark on the bottom says it is near that age). What a treasure.

  5. Ron says

    In a way, I’m glad to hear about your experience. I had assumed I just didn’t know how to properly use my hand guillotine. I’ve decided to stick it in a drawer with my power nail gun just to see which one comes out the winner.

    In other words, I’ve retired mine after it went through its third pair of protective gloves.

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